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Stop Blaming the Victim: How Enablers Keep Toxic Behavior Alive.

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What Enablers Actually Do to Keep Toxic Behavior Alive Enablers of toxic behavior and people who invalidate the victim’s experience are just as guilty as the perpetrator. Flying monkeys are the people who side with your abuser. Most of them play it safe because of what they stand to gain, and they don’t want to fall out of favor with the toxic person. Enablers dismiss your experience without hearing your side of the story, yet they believe the toxic person even though they weren’t there. It’s hypocritical. Some of them are being manipulated and brainwashed into playing along. Enablers are as guilty as the oppressors. If they stopped protecting the wicked one and held them accountable, the abuser might change. But narcissists keep disrupting peace because they know they’re surrounded by people who make excuses for them and cheer them on. I’ve been in a situation where I was surrounded by enablers of wickedness who knew I was innocent  they knew the truth yet they told me to lower my...
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How a Dysfunctional Home Can Shape Childhood Trauma.

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A dysfunctional home is one where toxic patterns run the family system. That can mean parents verbally attacking each other in front of their kids, or children witnessing domestic violence, alcoholism, or abuse. It can also mean abandonment and neglect. Living in that constant chaos, the fear, the trembling, the yelling, the emotional instability forces a child’s nervous system to adapt just to survive. The impact doesn’t vanish when they grow up. Flashbacks, the echo of those moments, and everything they witnessed stay in their memory, like an error that can’t be deleted. That’s why the way we behave, our mannerisms, and our lifestyle often trace back to the environment we were raised in. People who grew up in calmer, healthier homes tend to be more loving and less chaotic. THE CYCLE YOU ARE HEALING FROM CAN REPEAT ITSELF IF YOU ARE NOT SELFAWARE.  If someone from a dysfunctional home doesn’t get support or therapy on time, they risk repeating the very patterns they’re trying to h...
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As a Woman, Your Money Is Your Freedom To escape a Toxic Relationship, Protect Yourself Before Marriage.

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    If you’re a woman, you already know the world doesn’t always protect us from injustice. Our rights are often disregarded, and a woman without money can face prejudice and segregation and we are meant to be comfortable, bear it and be happy without questioning anything.  That’s why I keep saying the same thing, again and again: and I wish I knew this earlier on, have your own paying skill or job before you move in with your partner or start having children. I’m not saying don't trust blindly and love, but trust and love alone can not protect you if push comes to shove. Someone can promise to be the one to keep you on your feet, and then betray you and bring chaos into your life. When your entire livelihood revolves around your partner, you lose more than gold and silver. You lose your voice, your fundamental human right, your freedom, and your exit door. At first, the idea of staying home to raise the kids or quitting your job can feel sweet, even romantic. But with a ...
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How Having Children With a Narcissist Can Disrupt Your Peace Forever.

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If you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, you already know is not a walk in the park. Is it the unending unhealthy arguments? or the constant stress? The unfair burden? and the way your children feel like they are stuck in deep mire?  Picture this scenario and I know you don't want to lose your sanity.  When I Learned about narcissistic personality disorder and how they operate, I tried to warn people around me not to fall into the trap. I even warned someone very close to me not to get entangled with her Fiance. I could see it clearly he was screaming "I am a narcissist" in his behavior. She ignored the red flags and married him anyway. Now the mask is off, and it's cost her peace of mind.   WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE THE RED FLAGS. Everything a narcissist does is calculated and has a purpose. That’s why you should never ignore red flags in the early stages. Hold them accountable, keep your boundaries firm or walk away graciously. When something feels unreal, ...
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Warning Signs You're Dealing With a Narcissist (Without Knowing It)

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 Narcissism is a personality trait that often goes unnoticed until a clinical diagnosis is made.  Narcissists are habitual, pathological liars who find satisfaction in disrupting peace.  At first, they don’t reveal how manipulative they really are. They mirror your energy and appear to be the sweetest person you’ve ever met. But once you let your guard down, the mask falls off. They become abusive, rude, and arrogant  leaving you confused: "Is this the same person who was so kind to me? What changed? Nothing changed. They simply couldn’t keep up the act. Being kind and thoughtful isn’t who they are. The “love bombing” stage is just a facade "a way to lure you into their cycle of toxicity and drama". You end up begging them to stop hurting you, because they lack empathy. Instead of stopping, they intensify the bullying, trigger you, and gaslight you by playing the victim. When you challenge their hypocrisy and wickedness, "when no one is watching, they will change th...
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"How to Say No without feeling Awful about yourself. ( A Few Tips I Learned)

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It’s perfectly okay to say no without being guilt-tripped. I know for some of us, saying no feels like a trauma response like when you were little, saying no or expressing your feelings felt like a death penalty.  But if you can’t say no, you leave yourself vulnerable, and that makes you an easy target for leeches and abusers. That’s why self-awareness and emotional intelligence matter, and why healthy boundaries matter even more. You should learn to say no unashamedly and unapologetically as long as you’re not being condescending. I’m not saying don’t help anyone. Help when it’s your choice, when it won’t inconvenience you, not because someone won’t take no for an answer or because they’re only using you. A healthy, non-toxic person will understand that "You're busy and be patient. While a toxic person will give you the silent treatment or act entitled. When I learned to protect my boundaries, saying no became easy. I say it chin up high. It’s not easy to manipulate me anymor...
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"The Day I Stopped being a people-pleaser [ Messiah Syndrome]

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 The hardest life lesson I learned changed my perspective on life. I may be right or wrong, but why do good people suffer the most? I believe when you don’t have strong boundaries when you’re a people-pleaser and don’t know when to say “enough” or stand up for yourself, especially when you’re being exploited, bullied, ridiculed, or abused you will end up living with painful stories. The worst betrayal comes from our loved ones. With enemies, you’re wary; you eat with a long spoon. But with a loved one, you don’t see it coming. Just like Julius Caesar, who survived multiple stabs from his cabinet members but died from the one stab from Brutus, his trusted friend  that’s the betrayal you can’t bear. It feels like an unexplainable, sharp pain when you’d go to the moon and back for people, and they can’t even meet you halfway. I never knew that being overly empathetic could expose me to people who want to drain me nonstop, unprovoked, because they’re insatiable. I’ve been in a sit...
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