As a Woman, Your Money Is Your Freedom To escape a Toxic Relationship, Protect Yourself Before Marriage.

 

 

If you’re a woman, you already know the world doesn’t always protect us from injustice. Our rights are often disregarded, and a woman without money can face prejudice and segregation and we are meant to be comfortable, bear it and be happy without questioning anything. 

That’s why I keep saying the same thing, again and again: and I wish I knew this earlier on, have your own paying skill or job before you move in with your partner or start having children. I’m not saying don't trust blindly and love, but trust and love alone can not protect you if push comes to shove. Someone can promise to be the one to keep you on your feet, and then betray you and bring chaos into your life.

When your entire livelihood revolves around your partner, you lose more than gold and silver. You lose your voice, your fundamental human right, your freedom, and your exit door.

At first, the idea of staying home to raise the kids or quitting your job can feel sweet, even romantic. But with a narcissistic or controlling partner, the goal isn’t partnership it’s dependence.

I’ve seen it happen: money withheld when it’s needed most can leave you stranded. And it's intentional not because it isn’t there, but because the giver is angry. That’s financial abuse, using money as a weapon to control you.

WHAT IT REALLY FEELS LIKE.

It feels like someone else is living your own life by controlling it while you don't interject on theirs. When you become vulnerable. And if he’s toxic, he knows exactly when to strike.

What happens on the days you make him angry?

Will he stay kind, or will he abandon you to “teach you a lesson”?

I’ve been there. I’ve had to cower, swallow insults bit by bit, because I had no other option. That day I regretted handing over my financial stability and being under the mercy of someone and it’s a lesson I’ll never forget.

Financial abuse isn’t always glaring. It’s often done in a subtle manner that not everyone will notice the pattern.

* You stop asking for basic needs because every request turns into an argument.

* You’re called “wasteful” for wanting basic needs,  like new clothes, or decent food

*Your choices of what you wear, what you eat get decided for you

YOU HEAR THINGS LIKE:

“You have no place here.”

“Drop that item  are you the one paying?”

“Did you bring anything here? Are you the one who’ll tell me what to do with my money?”

“I’m now working so that you will squander my money,” even though you don’t do that.

To avoid conflict, you start shrinking your needs and lowering your standards.

Meanwhile, you’re working around the clock as the cleaner, the cook, the nanny. unpaid, unnoticed, and exhausted.

A narcissistic partner may also sabotage your chances of getting a job, draining your energy until you feel lost and uninterested in life. They may criticize you until you lose faith in yourself. They may laugh at you and not believe in you because they know you might start something and not finish it, because of years of feeling worthless and hopeless because of their constant criticism.

Do it anyway. Do it for yourself  there is no limit to things you can do if you put your mind into it.

I’m not saying don’t be a stay-at-home mum. I’m saying don’t be a dependent one.

Even if you’re at home, keep your purpose. Keep your income, even if it’s small. Work from home, freelance, sell a skill 

anything that’s yours. Start something today and nurture it.

Because if the relationship turns toxic, you’ll need a way out.

And here’s the hard truth: a controlling partner won’t change. He won’t, because he knows you can’t survive without him.

Love should not cost you your independence.

Have your own money. It gives you power and also protects you.

You deserve to stay because you want to, not because you have to, or because you are being manipulated and abused to the point you will lose your willpower.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Feel free to ask for help if you are looking for a way to navigate this phase. If this post resonates with you kindly comment your experience, and follow for more.