How Having Children With a Narcissist Can Disrupt Your Peace Forever.

If you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, you already know is not a walk in the park. Is it the unending unhealthy arguments? or the constant stress? The unfair burden? and the way your children feel like they are stuck in deep mire?  Picture this scenario and I know you don't want to lose your sanity. 

When I Learned about narcissistic personality disorder and how they operate, I tried to warn people around me not to fall into the trap. I even warned someone very close to me not to get entangled with her Fiance. I could see it clearly he was screaming "I am a narcissist" in his behavior. She ignored the red flags and married him anyway. Now the mask is off, and it's cost her peace of mind.  

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE THE RED FLAGS.

Everything a narcissist does is calculated and has a purpose. That’s why you should never ignore red flags in the early stages. Hold them accountable, keep your boundaries firm or walk away graciously.

When something feels unreal, too good to be true, and hard to explain look deeper. Something is off.

Narcissists know exactly who has weak boundaries. They test you, and the moment you allow their excesses once, it becomes the norm. They carefully choose their victims  often a people pleaser, someone naive or gullible.

THE NIGHTMARE OF PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST

Having children with a narcissistic partner is a nightmare. It feels like the children are strapped around your neck. You’re left carrying every bit of their emotional and physical well-being, while the narcissist avoids responsibility or waits to be reminded what to do, like a toddler.

Do all you can, but never make the mistake of starting a family with a narcissist. You could live the rest of your life in regret, It's better to learn from people who've lived it than to live it yourself.

The moment you walk that path, your nervous system goes into overload from the stress they deliberately create to see you exhausted and unable to function.

THEY DON'T CO-PARENT THEY SABOTAGE.

Narcissists don’t co-parent peacefully. They’re embittered and revengeful. In their mind, it’s about sabotaging your efforts every single day. They won’t contribute they’ll only criticize.

And when manipulation and gaslighting stop working because you’ve seen through their theatrics, they’ll punish the children to punish you. They know how much you care, so they make the kids crave their attention and love.

THEY USE CHILDREN AS PAWNS TOOLS TO FIGHT WITH.

Narcissist love seeing their kids suffer from their inconsistency and lies it gives them satisfaction.

They’ll even deny their children a better future just because they don’t want the other parent to benefit.

 A narcissist doesn't care how their constant nagging, unbearable attitude, or disruption of peace affects the children.

As long as they stay on top, winning the chaos matters more than anything else. 

They set the mood in the home. If they're happy, there's a little peace. If they're not, everyone in the house has to be miserable too.

CUSTODY AS A WEAPON. 

If you drop the kids off with them, they’ll complain non-stop, while complaining that you won’t let them see their children.

A narcissist doesn’t want to be saddled with parental responsibility. They avoid their role and only show up to pretend.

They’ll fight for full custody of a child they can’t care for, they won’t take them to doctor appointments, won’t attend school events, and don’t even know the child’s favorite food or color. Yet they’ll pose as “parent of the year” for photos while leaving the real work to a grandma or aunt.

They also get in the way of your parenting, comparing you to others while contributing nothing  because they’re obsessed with looking like a good parent, not being one.

On shared custody days, they won't respect privacy but will ask the children personal information about you or expose them to things they shouldn’t know.

They’ll show up late or at inconvenient times on purpose, craving your reaction, while ignoring the routine you provided. And when you say no, they create a narrative that you’re depriving them of the children then go home, happy that they've successfully created chaos.

WEAPONIZING MONEY AND THE CYCLE OF ABUSE.

A narcissist weaponizes money, watches you struggle, and feels satisfied.

They won’t provide necessities like a normal parent would. If they fall out with you, the kids are the ones who suffer while they go out of their way to help outsiders.

Even when the children finally see how horrible they are, the narcissist blames the other parent. And the cycle of abuse continues until the children are old enough to decide for themselves what’s best.

Even if you stay out of their way, they won't return the simple courtesy because they are intoxicated with abuse. 

THE LONG-TEERM IMPACT ON THE CHILDREN. 

Raising children in a narcissistic home also affects their mental health. The tense environment exposes them to unhealthy coping habits, things like using drugs or drinking to stay sane, or depression.

Most importantly, the children may grow up to become like the narcissistic parent  or like the parent who sacrificed their self-worth just to keep the peace.

LASTLY.

Having children with a narcissist isn’t just hard  it’s overwhelming. You can end up overstimulated in a way you may not recover from unless you seek help from a therapist.

You can't change them if you have a savior complex, and you can't pray it out from them or exorcise it.

If you've already made the mistake, "put your children's well-being first; that should never be  negotiated".

Protect your peace by paying attention to their patterns, and refusing to engage them.

  

The sooner you recognize the pattern, the sooner you can stop carrying it all by yourself, and stop helping them protect their public image. 

Tell your story as it is, whether people believe you or nothing,  it makes your healing journey easier.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone, share your experience in the comments. Please, like and  follow fore more.